My First-Its a lot

alright, this first one is going to be a doozy.

to understand everything that goes on in my life, i have to explain some things. i live with my dad. my parents got divorced when i was in first grade and my mom was a little crazy, so my brother and i lived with my dad. then my mom got better and my brother moved up with her in a different state two summers ago because my stepmom hit him. my dad and my stepmom are no longer together. so its just me and my dad. i like it that way. he plays guitar and is in a rock band and girls are always giving him their numbers and such. hes cool about it though. he has a girlfriend who is 18 years younger but very mature. i love her to death. i still visit my mom a lot. i have--actually HAD, a lot of friends up there. some of them turned into bitches, some just stopped hanging out with me, and some have a much worse story. for example one of my guy friends actually started liking me and we tried the whole long distance thing--didnt work. he cheated on me twice in two days and lied to me about it for about a week. then dated the girl a few days later. yeah. another guy friend had been my best friend for 5 years and has "been in love with me" for the whole time. well as soon as i realize i have feelings for him, he tells me its too late because he likes someone else, and he cant be my best friend anymore because she wont understand. ok this girl had been in his town for two weeks before she slept with 3 guys. and not a month before they started dating, she slept with a separate guy. can i say SLUT?

okay last thing before i really start: i go to a really rich school. i hate it. i dont hang out with the people that go there because they are all stuck up and gossips. our rivals, for some reason i actually care, have a major tv show. yuck. i absolutely despise them.

so now we get to the present day issues:
i hate boys. the arkansas boy i was telling you about that cheated on me, yeah that was only on new years and it still bugs me. i have no idea why. he has anger problems and hes really mean sometimes. but i guess thats always the case. us stupid girls always like the bad boys. it sucks. but then right after that i promised myself not to trust another guy, until a guy from another school and i started talking and were about to start dating and he up and starts ignoring me. for no reason whatsoever. im still a little upset about that too. then i just wanted to hook up with guys for a while. and let me clarify by hooking up i do not mean screw because im not like that at all. hooking up refers to the minor stuff. anyways i hooked up with this guy two nights in a row, and then we started talking and are now dating. im hoping that this doesnt fuck up because then i will be completely broken and unfixable. i cant handle heartbreak again this soon. but i cant see anything bad happening. hes a really sweet guy and i like him a lot. i guess we will see.

my grades are horrible. i try, i really do most of the time. but i work 5 days a week mostly late...and im about to start volunteering at the crisis center near where i live. i have a lot on my plate. but i guess its not that big of a deal. the year is almost over and next year will be a joke.

thats all i have to say for now. if you read it all you deserve to be rewarded.

let me know if you have anything to say. thanks.
bamalover