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all is well! =]

okay so its been a while buuuuut everything is going perfectly. spring break starts in 5 hours and 35 minutes! =] i am so stoked...spring break in panama city for the first time everrr!! my best friend and i are on good terms, i get a break from school, and IM GOING TO THE BEACH!! ahh!!

but about the boyfriend...yeah not so much, i dont think i like having one. maybe thats my problem. i dont know but whatever it is its getting old. i mean seriously if i cant last in a relationship for two weeks, something is definately wrong. maybe its just not in the cards lol. i dont know but im not going to worry about it because quite frankly, im not going to behave at the beach and i dont want to be responsible for someone getting hurt because of my irresponsibility (although it will be fun =] )

on a slightly more random note: COREY SMITH!! i love him! =] IF I COULD DO IT AGAIN!! haha the best song ever. noone is more honest and real in their songs. everyone has gone through what he talks about in his songs!

well i have two tests today and i didnt study because i was too busy packing and talking to the ex's best friends trying to get them to let him back into their cabin in PC...lol it was kinda funny, but the ex was not feeling well and they were being kinda gay...but yet again, it was a little funny. but im not going to let him know i laughed.

goodbye for now,
bamalover!!

im not emo i swear

so i was reviewing my last posts, and i seem really emo. yeah im not. ive just been having a rough week. but today started the new week and it seems promising. my best friend and i are okay now, which has taken a huge load off of my shoulders, and I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. yep, its official. =]

i have a small worry about spring break though...hopefully ill be able to keep my head on straight though..HOPEFULLY...

im all smiles today though, i really am thankful for everything.

bamalover

friendship does not exhist. especially "best friends" its all a lie.

she texted me to tell me that she wanted all of her clothes back. and that her mom doesnt pay for me to wear her clothes. uhm excuse me, its not like i stole them? gosh.

she doesnt care about anyone but herself. she honestly doesnt. i would do anything in the world for her and she doesnt even care.

i now have noone. im alone.

bamalover

UGH

last night was supposed to be awesome. it wasnt. during the week one of my friends had asked me to go to this party with her, and i kinda wanted to. but i really wanted to go to this thing with my boyfriend. ok well i decided to go with my boyfriend, and then my friend made me feel bad so i decided i would go with her instead. so me and this other girl got ready together and it was pretty fun. then my friend that made me go, decides she doesnt want to go anymore. so we went to kidnap her. then we went, but the party was so lame we didnt even go inside. but then we found out that one of the girls' boyfriends was going because his other friend was there. this was a problem because all of the girls at that party are OBSESSED! im talking, they got a picture of him on one of their birthday cakes, and they dont even know him. but yeah hes pretty gorgeous. ha. well anyways, so we go back and he wants to go inside for a minute to hang out with his fried, so we went inside. the first 2 minutes were alright. then it just got awkward and lame. so we left. then i was planning on leaving and going where my boyfriend was, but he didnt act like he wanted me to anymore, so i stayed at my friends house for more awkwardness. i was getting really frusterated because he was supposed to call me and forgot. and then when i called him he was busy talking to like 50 people and being rude. not only that but he was so drunk and telling me the same story like 5 times in a row. it wasnt even a good story. so i hung up on him. i think he realized i was mad. but he asked me to come sneak him out and i didnt want to at first but then i agreed. he was supposed to call when he got home. he called like an hour later and said he was going to bed. so me and my friend, who came to stay the night with me, just took pictures and went to bed.

LAME

im hoping tonight will be better, but my day isnt starting off real good. i freaking have to work today..talk about lame

-comments are welcome =]
bamalover

My First-Its a lot

alright, this first one is going to be a doozy.

to understand everything that goes on in my life, i have to explain some things. i live with my dad. my parents got divorced when i was in first grade and my mom was a little crazy, so my brother and i lived with my dad. then my mom got better and my brother moved up with her in a different state two summers ago because my stepmom hit him. my dad and my stepmom are no longer together. so its just me and my dad. i like it that way. he plays guitar and is in a rock band and girls are always giving him their numbers and such. hes cool about it though. he has a girlfriend who is 18 years younger but very mature. i love her to death. i still visit my mom a lot. i have--actually HAD, a lot of friends up there. some of them turned into bitches, some just stopped hanging out with me, and some have a much worse story. for example one of my guy friends actually started liking me and we tried the whole long distance thing--didnt work. he cheated on me twice in two days and lied to me about it for about a week. then dated the girl a few days later. yeah. another guy friend had been my best friend for 5 years and has "been in love with me" for the whole time. well as soon as i realize i have feelings for him, he tells me its too late because he likes someone else, and he cant be my best friend anymore because she wont understand. ok this girl had been in his town for two weeks before she slept with 3 guys. and not a month before they started dating, she slept with a separate guy. can i say SLUT?

okay last thing before i really start: i go to a really rich school. i hate it. i dont hang out with the people that go there because they are all stuck up and gossips. our rivals, for some reason i actually care, have a major tv show. yuck. i absolutely despise them.

so now we get to the present day issues:
i hate boys. the arkansas boy i was telling you about that cheated on me, yeah that was only on new years and it still bugs me. i have no idea why. he has anger problems and hes really mean sometimes. but i guess thats always the case. us stupid girls always like the bad boys. it sucks. but then right after that i promised myself not to trust another guy, until a guy from another school and i started talking and were about to start dating and he up and starts ignoring me. for no reason whatsoever. im still a little upset about that too. then i just wanted to hook up with guys for a while. and let me clarify by hooking up i do not mean screw because im not like that at all. hooking up refers to the minor stuff. anyways i hooked up with this guy two nights in a row, and then we started talking and are now dating. im hoping that this doesnt fuck up because then i will be completely broken and unfixable. i cant handle heartbreak again this soon. but i cant see anything bad happening. hes a really sweet guy and i like him a lot. i guess we will see.

my grades are horrible. i try, i really do most of the time. but i work 5 days a week mostly late...and im about to start volunteering at the crisis center near where i live. i have a lot on my plate. but i guess its not that big of a deal. the year is almost over and next year will be a joke.

thats all i have to say for now. if you read it all you deserve to be rewarded.

let me know if you have anything to say. thanks.
bamalover